Ecclesiastes 4:9-12–Two Are Better Than One

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12: "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.  But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!  Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?  And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him–a threefold cord is not quickly broke."

I can personally attest to the true wisdom of this passage having on numerous occasion experienced being alone and being with friend.  To put it simply, this is the heart of love and fellowship.  There is, however, another element to this: having the 'right' friends.  Do not mistake this as in anyway shallow or fickle.  The point is to remember that some people–namely the wicked, the fool, and the covenant breaker–are not only detrimental to this passage, they can be divisive where they should be conjoined and toxic when they should be healing.  That is why it is of utmost importance to befriend those people who have proven themselves, so to speak, to be people who would seek your growth and who, in the very least, are not scoffers of the Gospel for in so doing they prove themselves to be fools.  Let us then take heed not only to care for and seek out good friends but also to cherish those blessed people that God has been pleased to place in our lives!

The Gift of a Friend

There are few things greater than a good friend.  That friend who is willing to answer their phone while they're working (not really working but they are getting paid ;).  The friend that is always willing to offer a helping hand, a sound word of advice, and a good laugh when you need it.  Truly, a friend is one of the sure joys of life.

There is so much to say about this, but my usually verbose self would like to add a simple exhortation: today, this day, make an effort to thank your friends and just jet them know how much you appreciate and care for their friendship.

Love like Forrest

Arguably one of the greatest films of all time is also one of the most profound, Forrest Gump.  The film chronicles the multi-faceted, history-laden life of a southern man, Forrest Gump, from his childhood through his adulthood.  The essence of the movie, told through Forrest's episodic adventures, is a tale about a character who didn't know anything but being a good guy, despite his mental handicap.

One such episode that expresses Forrest's character is one of the most heart-wrenching scenes in the whole movie, and it deals with friendship.  Forrest, a star college athlete, became a soldier after graduation and was thrust forth into the depths of the Vietnam war.  En route to training camp, Forrest met Bubba.  Bubba would become Forrest's best friend and trusted confidant.

Forrest's platoon was trudging through the thick of the Vietnamese  jungle, when the unit came under heavy enemy fire.  The squad was outnumbered and ambushed with nothing to do but retreat.  Forrest, being an all-star athlete, outran his entire platoon until he had escaped to the edge of the jungle.  Realizing himself to be alone without Bubba, Forrest turned back towards the action and ran into the abyss in search of his friend.

Although Forrest was unable to locate Bubba, he was able to save several other members of his platoon, even his commanding officer.  Eventually, after multiple trips into the jungle to find his friend, Forrest found Bubba and was able to harrowing pull his heavily wounded body from the jungle, all the while being wounded himself in the process.  Forrest was awarded the Purple Heart for his harrowing bravery, though despite his best effort, Bubba did not make it.

Forrest was under the heaviest of enemy attacks, yet he was unrelenting in his efforts to save his friend.  He sprinted through the jungle, dodged the enemy bullets, and did all he could to find and to pull his friend to safety.  This is such a great story of what friendship should look like.  As Jesus says, "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13)."

Fortunately, most of us are not in war zones; however, we still need to lay down our lives for our friends as Jesus commands.  How this plays itself out practically is that we will not relent in our fervent love for one another, whether that means buying someone a tank of gas or helping someone move.  Additionally, we should never stop running back into the spiritual warzone of this world to preach the Gospel and save those whom we care about.  Let us then run like Forrest to save our loved ones, no matter how many times we have to go or how dangerous the circumstances are.

Remember:
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity (Pro. 17:17)."

The Salt & Light Snowblower

Several years ago, Ned bought a new snow blower, which is a necessity for the snowy winters of Minnesota.  Previously he had always shoveled his driveway and it took over an hour.  But now, with that beautiful machine, he could get it done in less than five minutes.  The ease of snow-blowing took away the all-too familiar dread of having to shovel.  He even enjoyed doing the drive.

The second winter he had the blower, two elderly neighbors from California moved in across the street.  The couple both had heart problems and Ned noticed them struggling to shovel the drive after the first snow fall.  When he saw them wrestling with the snow, he simply started his blower, pushed it across the street, and did their's too.  It just became a part of the routine; twelve minutes for both drives.  Ned then also remembered that his other neighbor, Mike, left for work at 4:30 in the morning, so he bagan doing his too.  Another four minutes.

A few years later, his next door neighbor, Larry, passed away.  Because his widowed wife, Pearl, was also elderly, Ned just started doing hers too.  Another five minutes.  Later that same year, the neighbors down the block had a baby, so Ned added their's to his routine too.  By the end of that year, Ned was snow blowing about a half hour and doing five driveways.

Ned was happy to be the neighborhood plowman, relishing in the joy of caring for and serving his community.  One night, though, he fell deathly ill and had to be taken to the hospital.  Over the course of a two day bed-ridden, hospital stay he recovered and was eventually released.  As his wife was driving him home, he felt so bad because there had been a huge snowfall the night before.

However, as they arrived back in the neighborhood, he was astonished to see that all of the driveways were done.  To his amazement, Ned's wife told him that in the morning she looked out the front window to see one of their other neighbors, whom they had never even met, doing the driveways.  Ned nearly broke into tears. He never realized the affect that he had made over the past few years.

The point is example.  If we are to be the salt and light of the world, the very hands and feet of Christ, then we need to look at the needs around us and step in to fill them.  Jesus calls us to love as He loves us.  Think of that: He gave His very life, dying upon the cross to serve and to love all humankind.  Laying down our preference and our comfort in order to care for others is what being a Christian is all about.  Therefore, let us seek out opportunities to serve and then seize them for Him!

The Necessity of Friends

Life is a constant challenge and can be an overwhelming adventure more akin to rowing a sinking boat than living a life.  But, like pushing a stalled truck up a hill, it can be manageable with the help of another person.  The other people who can continually help us in the labors of life are our friends and friendship is a powerful key to successful Christian living.  And, like much of life, friendship is an ordeal that should not be undertaken without intentionality and focus.

Naturally, there are two parts of friendship, offering friendship and receiving friendship.  Both parts are important and necessary in friendship.  At the onset, honesty and availability form the basis of quality friendship but the different expressions of friendship, offering or receiving, contain differences.  Understanding the various aspects of offering and receiving friendship is a fruitful endeavor in becoming good and effective friends.  Due to scope of this discussion, the elements that pertain to offering friendship will be examined.

Offering friendship requires care and the willingness to be direct.  Care is necessary during hardship.  As Solomon writes, "A friend loves at all times, but a brother is born for adversity (Pro. 17:17)," and continued, "If a friend falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up (Ecc. 4:9b-10)!"  Truly, it is in hardship that friends are weighed for their worth and in trials that true friends are found.

Additionally, being a friend requires a readiness to call the other person out.  We, as friends, have a responsibility to keep each other on the path by being direct in challenging one another when we may be straying.  Solomon writes about this too, "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses (Pro. 17:6)" and again, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another (Pro. 27:16)."  This should not be overlooked or neglected for the fear of uncomfortability.

The value of friends is that they will have the merit in our lives to challenge us to live more for God.  We each have blindspots that can hinder our sanctification and fruit-bearing growth.  Because of this reality, we have a responsible obligation to help one another, with love and gentleness, to see the blindspots in order to grow more in Christ.  Let us strive to offer good and sincere friendship of care and of challenge as Christ works in us to work in our friends!

Becoming Good Friends

Friends are powerful.  That statement, though true, needs qualification.  Friends can be either powerful for our good growth or powerful for our dire demise.  The reality is that friends hold sway over us.  They can determine how we talk, what we do for recreation, or what we eat for dinner.  They can teach us what to think, how to dress, or even how to believe.  Much like wielding a chainsaw like a butter knife, neglecting the power of friends can be dangerous and disastrous.

A friend, by way of introductory definitions, is a person who is known and who knows you.  There is an intimacy to a friend's knowledge that goes beyond mere acquaintance.  A friend can be predictable while their knowledge of you can make you predictable to them.  They are supporters while needing support just as they are secure while needing security.  The conundrum of friendship is that it is, by nature, a symbiotic relationship, meaning that friends are only friends if it is agreed upon by both parties involved and that the relationship necessitates give and take.  It is the complex dependency of friendship that gives it its power.  Understanding the nature of friendship can be valuable in ascertaining the purpose of friendship.

There are many important reasons for friendship, many more than the scope of this dialogue permits; however, a summary statement of the primary purpose of friendship might be useful: dependent accountability.  This phrase points to the two major purposes and functions of friends.  As friends, we are dependent on one another, not in nearly the sense or degree that we are dependent on the Lord, but friends need each other.  This dependency of friendship is the need for accountability.

A friend serves to hold the other accountable.  This could be as simple as the need for punctuality or as profound as the need to pray.  A friend challenges the other to live to biblical ethics and should call them out when they may stray.  Moreover, a true friend should be willing to test the other in order that they may grow in sanctification.  "As iron sharpens iron (Pro. 27:27)," is one of the major goals of friendship, but the quest for spiritual growth and wisdom is not the only reason for friends.

Friends are also there to comfort and to be relied upon when the ground gets shaky and the tempests swell (Pro. 17:17; Ecc. 4:9-10).  When life hits us, a true friend is the comfort of God that can help empathize and weep with us, or teach and guide us through the darkest nights.  Friends thus serve both to help sanctify but also to live in peace and joy.  Friends can be the personal hands and feet of our Lord.  The power of friendship quickly rises to the surface among further examination.

This should prompt two separate but related meditative queries: (1) who are my friends, and (2) how am I being a good friend?  To be sure, these are not "once-and-for-all" questions.  Rather, we should periodically examine the nature of our friendships, both our friends as well as ourselves as friends.  In this way, we will truly live out our Christ-likeness in a manner that is pleasing to Him.  Let us then press on to have good friends that make us good friends!

Building Relationships Like Christ

Life is about relationships.  Jesus says that we should not lay up treasures for ourselves that moth and rust can destroy, or that thieves may steal (Matt. 6:19-20).  Distilled, Jesus is saying that the physical treasures of this world will ultimately perish and fail.  Therefore, our hearts should value that which cannot be destroyed, namely character and relationships.

If we consider Jesus' method for relating to people as the standard to be emulated, then the Gospels and the remainder of the New Testament should serve as the guide.  Jesus loved people perfectly.  He did this in two ways.  First,  and most important, He gave Himself to be crucified for the sin of all mankind.  Secondly, Jesus lived with people, really lived with them.

The essence of this is what relationship building is all about.  Jesus spent time with all types of people.
He went into peoples' houses.  He sat down and ate meals.  He walked miles with groups.  This takes time and a certain humility.  Even though Jesus was in very nature God, He continually made Himself low so as to raise others up.  This stands at the core of building real relationships.

Another key to relationship building is compassionate honesty.  No one will ever allow themselves to be truly vulnerable if they feel judged.  We should strive then to maintain humility and compassion at all times so that people would feel comfortable enough to open themselves to us, and thus expose their hearts to the Lord.

If we truly want to be used as salt and light, then we must take seriously the example of Jesus, particularly in relationships.  Acquaintance is not enough for the love of God to pass through us.  We need to be willing to open our hearts to others so as to allow them the freedom to do the same.  Transformational relationships require time and effort for they do not happen overnight or passively.  Let us then strive to live the love that Jesus modeled so that we could form relationships that transform hearts and lives!

Friends: Gift of God

Friends are a great resource.  They are helpers and supporters who walk beside us, who lift us up when we are down, and who can call us back on track when we have gone wayward. True friendship requires accountability, trust, and reciprocity.  In reality, friendship is a two-way street that obligates both parties to each other in love.

Scripture refers to this friendship as brotherly love and affection, not brotherly in a biological sense, but in a spiritual sense.  Jesus identifies sacrifice as the requisite for this, the highest degree of friendship (John 15:13).  The greatest gift of friendship is sacrifice.  Sacrifice is not limited in scope to martyrdom but encompasses a much broader reality.  The essence of this can be seen in people who give themselves to their friends.

This "giving of self" can be as simple as forfeiting a weekend to help move, as inexpensive as paying for dinner, or as challenging as calling someone out when they're making a mistake.  Brotherly love requires that we would care for one another with a deep affection and consideration that is most concerned with serving the other at the denial of self.

In truth, the joy and worth of friendship is that friends are born for and through adversity (Pro. 17:17), meaning that friends are the human agents God uses to express His love and care for us.  Moreover, friends fulfill the divine purposes of picking each other up and dusting off shoulders when we fall down (Ecc. 4:9-10).  This means that true friends will be there through the thick and thin.

Additionally, our choice of friends, the very people we walk through life with, affects us.  We take on the traits of our friends, good and bad.  This has long-lasting ramifications in our lives.  If we walk in the company of the wise and upright of heart we prove ourselves to be wise and upright too as the converse proves the oposite (Pro. 13:20).  As iron sharpens iron, this works itself out practically in the process of accountability, service, and regular Bible study (Pro. 27:17).

The Lord has given friends for a number of valuable reasons: for encouragement, for reproof, for care, for admonishment, and for accountability, et al.  God wants us to grow into the men and women that He has designed us to be.  He has divinely placed the perfect people in our lives in order to accomplish this purpose.  Take heart at the love that God has lavished upon us in the gift of friendship!