Becoming Good Friends

Friends are powerful.  That statement, though true, needs qualification.  Friends can be either powerful for our good growth or powerful for our dire demise.  The reality is that friends hold sway over us.  They can determine how we talk, what we do for recreation, or what we eat for dinner.  They can teach us what to think, how to dress, or even how to believe.  Much like wielding a chainsaw like a butter knife, neglecting the power of friends can be dangerous and disastrous.

A friend, by way of introductory definitions, is a person who is known and who knows you.  There is an intimacy to a friend's knowledge that goes beyond mere acquaintance.  A friend can be predictable while their knowledge of you can make you predictable to them.  They are supporters while needing support just as they are secure while needing security.  The conundrum of friendship is that it is, by nature, a symbiotic relationship, meaning that friends are only friends if it is agreed upon by both parties involved and that the relationship necessitates give and take.  It is the complex dependency of friendship that gives it its power.  Understanding the nature of friendship can be valuable in ascertaining the purpose of friendship.

There are many important reasons for friendship, many more than the scope of this dialogue permits; however, a summary statement of the primary purpose of friendship might be useful: dependent accountability.  This phrase points to the two major purposes and functions of friends.  As friends, we are dependent on one another, not in nearly the sense or degree that we are dependent on the Lord, but friends need each other.  This dependency of friendship is the need for accountability.

A friend serves to hold the other accountable.  This could be as simple as the need for punctuality or as profound as the need to pray.  A friend challenges the other to live to biblical ethics and should call them out when they may stray.  Moreover, a true friend should be willing to test the other in order that they may grow in sanctification.  "As iron sharpens iron (Pro. 27:27)," is one of the major goals of friendship, but the quest for spiritual growth and wisdom is not the only reason for friends.

Friends are also there to comfort and to be relied upon when the ground gets shaky and the tempests swell (Pro. 17:17; Ecc. 4:9-10).  When life hits us, a true friend is the comfort of God that can help empathize and weep with us, or teach and guide us through the darkest nights.  Friends thus serve both to help sanctify but also to live in peace and joy.  Friends can be the personal hands and feet of our Lord.  The power of friendship quickly rises to the surface among further examination.

This should prompt two separate but related meditative queries: (1) who are my friends, and (2) how am I being a good friend?  To be sure, these are not "once-and-for-all" questions.  Rather, we should periodically examine the nature of our friendships, both our friends as well as ourselves as friends.  In this way, we will truly live out our Christ-likeness in a manner that is pleasing to Him.  Let us then press on to have good friends that make us good friends!