Do Not Assume Relationships

Assumptions are terribly dangerous things.  They are easy categories that we apply to people for fear of investing time to love; they are the very shields we erect to convene others just beyond our borders so that we might not have to learn about a person.  Rather, assumptions give us just enough information as to criticize, demean, and keep at arms length.

While I am primarily speaking of assumptions in regards to people–assuming something about another person–assumptions can be dangerous in nearly any setting.  I am in no little predicament to assume sure footing whilst my toes are planting in the route of an oncoming landslide.  There is no safety in assuming the gun is not loaded when I hold it in my hand.

Yet we do make assumptions.  We make assumptions about one another, about race and creed, background and politic, wisdom and foolishness.  And to make these overarching assumptions about another person is merely a defense mechanism used to cope with the reality of our own innate apathy towards another individual.  The point here is not the veracity of the assumption but, rather, that the assumption is necessary at all.  This I could call the assumption of indifference, wherein the assumption serves to overcome the lack in relationship by placing an overarching category over an individual, i.e. he's lazy, stupid, rude, et al.

But there is another assumption that is far-more dangerous: the assumption of relationship.  In the former assumption, distance is presumed between individuals and the assumption serves to qualify and define that distance.  In this assumption, the assumption of relationship, the true assumption is that the individuals are not distant but are, in fact, close.  This assumption, though subtle, is present when one person claims a near relationship with another that is unwarranted and unfounded.  In the real world, this looks like  coworker who shares all-too private things assuming to already possess the relationship needed for that degree of sharing.

The reason that the assumption of relationship is so devastating is that, eventually, the reality of the relationship will be brought to light and the assuming party will be found wanting and humiliated.  This is so easily to see in teenage boys who, after assuming a relationship with a teenage girl, are confronted with the reality that the girl has no feelings for the boy akin to the kind of relationship assumed by the boy.  The net effect for the exposed assumer is devastation, want, and humiliation.

Without much consideration we could see the harm of assuming relationships.  But how many of us do this very thing when it comes to salvation?  How many of us assume to possess a relationship with the Lord Almighty where one does not exist?

It is with this on our minds that Paul's exhortation to the Philippians seems most appropriate.

"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." (Phil. 2:12-13)