Two-Stage Honesty

Honesty is hard.  When real honesty occurs, the tough and difficult is dragged up to the forefront and we are forced to deal with things that we would rather not.  Honesty can also reveal the hidden things that we may not even be aware of.  Honesty basically can be understood in two separate but subsequent and related stages: (1) honesty with others, and (2) honesty with ourselves.

Honesty in regards to others is a necessary and challenging venture.  It requires grace, gentleness, and love.  If honesty with others is lacking in its delivery, the purpose of being honest will be lost.  For instance, if being honest requires to tell a friend or loved one that they are failing in some personal area, and the admonishment is done coldly, with haste, or lacking consideration, then the person may not take the rebuke.

Instead, honesty should be done with intention but kindness.  Honesty needs to be direct.  If it is not direct,  honesty will not be able to obtain its intended effects.  There is power to being honest.  When we are honest with others we are holding up mirrors to them for the purpose of helping them grow.  If we are being honest for our own sake or to be hurtful then we are not being honest, we are just being mean.

As indicated, the purpose of honesty is to propel others to grow closer to God and further in their sanctification.  If our honesty is not achieving this basic goal or is not done with this end in mind, then it is worthless and hurtful.  In contrast, honesty with others, when delivered with a measure of grace, can cause both us and the other person to exercise the second stage of honesty: honesty with self.

Being honest with ourselves is the sine qua non of sanctification.  When we are honest with ourselves, when we look into the mirror with eyes that are illuminated by the Holy Spirit, we are able to see ourselves, warts and all.  This is essential.  If we do not take time to truthfully look at ourselves in the light of the Lord, we will be unable to change or to sanctify because we will not know what needs to be sanctified.

The truth is that honesty is tough.  Both giving it and receiving it require an ear that is willing to hear despite the potential for hurt and pain.  A major element to honesty is love, which for honesty plays itself out in trust.  When we trust those who offer honesty and when they trust us for the same, then we are actually stepping out in faith and living out the love that Christ asks of us.  This is what honesty is all about.